I am currently studying the book of John, and God has used a tiny dialogue in this gospel to speak volumes to me the past month.
So here’s the scene…
Jesus has just rocked the world of many of his followers by saying they must eat and drink his body and blood, and now because of this scandalous language, has lost nearly all of his disciples. He looks around at the remaining men and says, “do you want to leave, too?”
But in John 6:68, “Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”
In my last post, I shared that I relate so much to Peter, and that he was often pretty ridiculous. He struggled with being a little too bold, sometimes doubtful and prideful, often hasty and fearful. But what I love and appreciate most about him is that Peter, being a man of many emotions and shortcomings, actually GETS it!
At the end of the day, Peter shows us in this passage that he knows there really is no turning back. He is a changed man because of Jesus, no matter what he doesn’t understand…
and…I like Peter, do not understand my life right now.
I got engaged to my love one month ago (HOORAY!) and three days later, I lost my job (BOO!). This job being the one that I quit my other great job for because, at the time, well, that made sense.
And things were originally going realllly well. And making sense. And I was excited about life and all the ministry opportunites I envisioned ahead. I was dreaming and planning!
But then they didn’t happen. And I won’t go into all that, but REALLY. It doesn’t make sense…
So, now I am chewing on all of this. What do we do with these life situations? I mean, I gotta be honest, I am trying to celebrate this new, beautiful journey of engagement with the man I love, with all the hoopla and the wedding planning and such, but can I be real, folks, I currently have a laptop showing me two screens at once: MyWedding.com and Jobing.com. REALLY?! Not ideal.
I don’t get Him and His ways. This didn’t surprise Him. But it surprised ME. And sometimes He does things that really make me question. Question my purpose, His goodness, my obedience, His will, and the dreaded lies that the enemy loves to throw during times like this, “you must have done something wrong!” (LIAR!)
I fight the enemy back with Scripture and I know I did nothing wrong to be jobless right now (see John 9:3). But I am still human, and when Jesus looks at me feeling sorry for myself, crying into The Knot magazine and asks me, “Are you offended by me? Do you want to leave? Do you doubt that I am taking you somewhere new, maybe even better? Is this YOUR ministry, or MINE?”
All I can say through my sniffles is, “Where would I go?…You are so good to me. Always. You always take care of me. You give and you take because YOU KNOW what is best FOR me, and YOU ARE always FOR me.”
But then my flesh gets feisty and dare I say, MAD, and shouts, “WHAT IS GOING ON, GOD?! WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN, NOWWWWWW?”
Then Jesus, patient and kind, slow to anger and abounding in love, sweetly continues to remind me,
“Brianna, Be Still. You Know Me. And I Know You. I Calm the Storms. I Have the Words of Eternal Life, and I HAVE YOU.”
…Where Would I Go?